Why Do Victims of Abuse Stay?

Leaving an Abusive Partner

People routinely ask, “Why doesn’t she leave? Why does she stay?”.  Pre-COVID-19 and now in the context of coronavirus, the answer is not that simple. There are many barriers to safety in an abusive relationship. Leaving is often dangerous and there are many factors an abused partner must consider in the analysis of how to respond to an abusive partner. With the recent loosening of restrictions placed under coronavirus, we need to remain vigilant and ask a more effective question:

“Why does the abusive partner inflict violence and how can I help the survivor gain access to safety?” (link how to help a friend)

The statistics outline the reality that the most dangerous time for a survivor/victim is when she leaves the abusive partner; 77 percent of domestic violence-related homicides occur upon separation and there is a 75 percent increase of violence upon separation for at least two years. These valid concerns must be addressed with safety planning.

Please support me by following my page and or social media platforms, leaving an abusive relationship is a time

when a victim needs guidance.

We must continue to advocate for an act to protect all victims of domestic abuse this includes a need to recognize

coercive control, as of today in the USA only 2 states have made progress that is California, Hawaii,









Read More

Technology-facilitated abuse what Is it?

Let us not blame technology companies, we need technology which is necessary to contact emergency contacts

We need social media , it is in the abusers hands that technology control occurs. Social media is not responsible

We need laws to be implemented that will help victims of coercive control.

  • abusive messages or calls
  • account take overs — where someone accesses your online accounts and locks you out of them
  • image-based abuse — when someone shares or threatens to share an intimate image of you without your consent
  • fake social media accounts — when fake accounts are being used to harass you or post negative comments about you online
  • being tracked through a phone or device — when tracking techniques or spyware are used to see where you are

If you are experiencing technology-facilitated abuse as part of domestic or family violence, it can be very distressing. 

If you are unsure if you are at risk of technology-facilitated abuse, read the resource links below

Understand technology-facilitated abuse

Find out about different types of abuse and what you can do to manage online risks. Technology-facilitated abuse is any behaviour that uses technology to harass, monitor, stalk, impersonate or make threats in order to control, frighten or humiliate someone.

Unfortunately here in the US we do not have coercive control laws, the UK does and other countries have as well coercive control abuse laws in place, please help me by following my social media Trauma book page.

Your support means a lot to women, support me Nikki support all Women, we must advocate for laws to protect victims of domestic violence, there Is still so much that can be done to protect Trauma Survivors. My gripping story of abuse is one of many that went without justice, where the justice system failed me when my abductor was merely deported for beating me viciously , he then arranged to kidnap me into Mexico, I suffered lifelong Trauma. This is where i see the need to advocate for tougher laws on coercive control a form of abuse that is yet to be recognized here in the Us. Some states in the US such as Hawaii and California have made powerful changes please refer to the resource links , information on coercive control is available. Time for Women to rise and petition our local state governments even at federal levels to press for change.

We need laws to be implemented that will help victims of coercive control. Abuse is unacceptable. Technology

companies are not responsible for the actions of third parties, this is my personal opinion.

Click on the links below for Resources:








Read More

Intimidate Partner Violence

Intimate partner violence, which falls under the broader umbrella term of domestic violence, affects more than 12 million people every year, and disproportionately impacts Black and Indigenous women, and more according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. It has historically been seen by many as something that happens with older, married couples, or something that involves only physical abuse, like a black eye, the organization said.

In reality, it is something that cuts across all social and demographic lines and can also occur through control and manipulation that is not as easily visible to the outside world, it is also not easily detected

“We have these myths or stereotypes in our head of a typical domestic violence abuser and victim, who they are and what they act like, but everybody is at risk,” she said. “People would be very surprised to find out just how prevalent it is and how many people they know who’ve experienced it at some point.”

Intimate partner violence (IPV) is abuse or aggression that occurs in a romantic relationship. “Intimate partner” refers to both current and former spouses and dating partners. IPV can vary in how often it happens and how severe it is. 

Please follow me on social media, and here on my website your solidarity goes a long way, let’s create awareness

there is much work to be done to pass coercive control laws for victims of intimidate partner violence.








Read More

The Layered Effect of Covert Emotional Abuse and Double Abuse is traumatic

Abuse and violence cross geographical and cultural boundaries and social and economic strata. It is common among the rich and the poor, the well-educated and the less so, the young and the middle-aged, city dwellers and rural folk. It is a universal phenomenon.

Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the “silent treatment”), manipulate, and control.

There are many ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humour, or consistently tactless – is to abuse.

To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore – are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They are “stealth abusers”. You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse.

Help me spread awareness please follow my website and social media solidarity means much to abuse survivors

let’s spread love, kindness








Read More

Only half of women in developing world have body autonomy


Whether it’s sex, health care or using contraception, women in developing countries lack control over decisions affecting their bodies, the UN says. Attacks includes rape, forced sterilization and genital mutilation.

Almost half of women in 57 countries around the world are denied the freedom to decide on what to do with their own bodies, the United Nations said in a report on Wednesday. This includes issues around sex, contraception and health care.

The My Body is My Own study lists attacks on women, including rape, forced sterilization, virginity tests and genital mutilation.

The head of the UN’s sexual and reproductive health agency (UNFPA), Natalia Kanem, said: “In essence, hundreds of millions of women and girls do not own their own bodies. Their lives are governed by others.”

Those other decision-makers may include partners, family members, society and government.

Rape ‘not always prosecuted and punished’

The underlying issues are often based on structural, societal problems, such as social taboos around sex (for women) and entrenched patriarchy, she said. This leads to male relatives having power over women’s choices, Kanem said.

Please join me in Solidarity for Women’s rights to free them from oppression.

Join Nikki for equality in relationships.

please read articles:


Read More

The Covert Narcissist

 Warning Signs of the Abuser You Never See Coming

When it comes to romantic relationships, resilient people have this one thing in common. Quite often, they don’t discover that they’ve been enduring actual abuse until their psychological resources are nearly depleted, which takes a great deal longer than others without their strength. It’s not that they don’t see signs or fail to identify toxic behavior. 

They simply have a knack for working around problems, rising above them, and pushing through them for the sake of achieving their relationship goals. In the meantime, these abusive relationships do take their mental, emotional, and physical toll. By the time a remarkably resilient person stumbles across an article or book, hears a podcast episode, or consults with a therapist who is able to accurately describe the dynamics of their abusive relationship and give it a label, they are mind-blown. 

However, it may make some of us even more vulnerable to certain unhealthy dynamics, patterns, and forms of abuse. One such form is narcissistic abuse. It’s important to explore the link between resilient and narcissistic partners because they are likely to pair up with each other, setting the stage for an abusive relationship. The true danger lies in the fact that the narcissist has ulterior motives from the start while their unsuspecting partner is unaware that manipulation will play a primary role throughout their relationship.

Your Resilience Might be a Magnet for Covert Narcissists

Narcissists are attracted to empathetic individuals that have a positive outlook on life and see the best in others. Because narcs lack the ability to truly empathize with other people’s experiences, they see this quality as a commodity. While it’s been a widely held belief that narcissists pursue individuals that are weak or easy, the more strong-minded and resilient you are, the more appealing you may be to a narcissist. You may have survived some traumatic experiences and cultivated the strength to support others. Being educated, successful at work, and healthy at the outset of a dating relationship or marriage are qualities that many narcissistic abuse survivors possess. Other common qualities include being kind, loyal, generous, and willing to give unconditionally once they feel securely connected to their partner. Since narcissists need a constant supply of attention, admiration, and validation, these attractive qualities signal to a narcissist that their specific needs will be met.

High emotional intelligence is another common quality that narcs are attracted to. You may be wondering how individuals with high emotional intelligence are unable to spot the red flags and patterns of a narcissistic abuse relationship more quickly. While there is a pattern to many abusive relationships and narcissistic abuse relationships are no exception, all narcissists are not created equal. The approach of a covert narcissist can easily go undetected if you are unaware of what behaviors to look for. Let’s look at the 3 general stages of narcissistic abuse as well as several specific ways that a covert narc might deviate from more traditional behaviors in a romantic relationship with an extremely resilient person:



Read More

Signs of Love Bombing

Love bombing is often romanticized in TV and movies. The typical story involves an uninterested character who is being pursued by an eager suitor. The pursuer consistently violates the uninterested character’s boundaries until they fall in love and decide to be together. However, this unrealistic depiction of a relationship is actually a story of love bombing and how it can manifest in real life.

So what is love bombing? According to Psychology Today, “love bombing is an attempt to influence another person with over-the-top displays of attention and affection.” This kind of behavior is a form of emotional abuse, and although it can be experienced during any stage of a relationship, it is often seen in the early stages of getting to know one another. It may seem like your new partner really likes you, but love bombing can often serve as a warning sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Finding a partner that feels like a perfect fit is gratifying. But it can take time to really get to know your partner. When love bombing occurs, often labels such as “soulmate”, “their person,” or “their other half” are applied early in the relationship. While it may feel validating to be considered as an important figure in their lives, it could be a cause for concern if you have not known them very long, or if you feel uncomfortable. Even being told “I love you” within a couple of weeks of starting a relationship can be a red flag. If you feel unsettled about how fast you’re moving, it may be time to speak with your partner.

Read More

The Invisible Trauma Abuse Wounds

Within every community, toxic people can be found hiding in families, couples, companies, or from persons you’d least expect. The cryptic nature of psychological abuse involves repetitious mind games played by one individual or a group of people.

Psychological abuse leaves no bruises. There are no broken bones. There are no holes in the walls. The bruises,
brokenness, and holes are held tightly buried

Deep within your soul
Battleground Emotional States of the Heart become strongholds. I suffered both physical , and mental abuse, psychologic abuse was the worst.

My giants were rejection, fear, shame, guilt, anxiety , i took those giants down it was a fierce , nothing could numb the emotional pain that is

Until i met true divine love in it’s purest form, stay tuned for my book release

Join me in building up a broken soul




Read More

The Science of healing

FOR many of us, the term science implies something we are happy to leave to the academically advanced. It may pique our interest at times, but that’s about the extent of our involvement. There is a Science, however, that applies to Christianity: the Science of Christ, or Christian Science. It relates to the living demonstration of the timeless truth put forth by the Saviour, Christ Jesus, and it enables us to heal spiritually.

If we wonder how Science can apply to Christianity, we might consider the following questions: Did Jesus understand the nature of God and man? And was he able to prove the truth he taught?

The answer to these questions obviously has to be yes. His healing works demonstrated his understanding of God’s supreme power and goodness. They demonstrated his understanding of the true nature of man as spiritually whole and indestructible. His works made his divine mission scientific in the highest sense. His example was far in advance of our present level of spirituality, yet he expected us to follow him. He said, “He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also.”

Join Nikki offer someone a kind word, a healing hug, together we can ensure our families grow strong in faith that

Is rooted in God’s Love for you and I.


Read More

Reconsider Your Beliefs About Depression

Unfortunately, there is a great deal of stigma surrounding mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and other disorders. One way that you can reduce feelings of embarrassment or shame about your condition is to reconsider some of your beliefs about depression.

For example, people sometimes believe that depression is a choice or something that they can simply think their way out of. This ignores the underlying causes of depression and trivializes the very real nature of the condition.

One way that you can do this is by learning more about depression itself. Exploring informative resources that are aimed at reducing stigma can help you learn more about the symptoms, causes, and treatments for depressive disorders.

Join Nikki by expressing compassion towards a soul today, spread love, kindness.

Depression hurts reach out love heals

Read More