The Long Shadow: Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse

It seems you can’t turn on a TV these days without hearing about childhood abuse. References to “the dysfunctional family” are so common they are almost a cliché. 

But behind the cliché is the sad reality: some families are poisonous for children. Childhood abuse, particularly when severe, can cast a long shadow over your life influencing your emotional state, and how you relate to others.

 Even when not abusive, families can be dysfunctional in other ways, such as having a chronically depressed, mentally ill or substance-abusing parent. 

Your upbringing may have left you poorly equipped to parent your own children. In this chapter, I describe one of the most common types of abuse and family dysfunction, and how these experiences could be affecting you.

 Types of Childhood Abuse

Child abuse takes a wide variety of forms, and can range from mild to severe. Even competent parents make mistakes, and have challenges and difficulties. 

Abuse can occur inside the family, and with people who are not family members. By and large, however, the experiences I am describing occur within the home. In severely dysfunctional homes, it’s not unusual for several types of abuse to occur at the same time. 

For example, someone who is sexually abusive is often physically abusive as well. In families where there is partner abuse, there is also likely to be parental depression and substance abuse. What seems to be important, across all these types of abuse, is the overall level of severity and degree of family pathology.

Neglect

Neglect is by far the most common type of child maltreatment. Unlike physical or sexual abuse, where something is actually done, neglect is failure to do something. Types of neglect include not providing food, clothing or medical attention. It can include failure to supervise, provide a safe environment or provide proper education. (Unfortunately, families who home school are often harassed under the education portion of the neglect laws.)

Not surprisingly, neglect is often related to parental substance abuse and depression. Families who neglect their children are often chaotic. Parents don’t seem to be able to “get it together” to provide food or appropriate clothing for their children. In Beth’s family, both her mother and father were alcoholics. She was frequently hungry because her parents spent the money they had on alcohol.

Neglect is often thought to be solely a function of poverty. However, while poverty certainly accounts for some neglect, it is neither fair nor accurate to imply that all poor people neglect their children. There usually is something more, especially in chronically neglectful homes. 

In a paper entitled “The Psychological Ecology of the Neglectful Mother,” Polansky and his colleagues (Polansky, Gaudin, Ammons, & Davis 1985) specifically addressed the issue of poverty in child neglect. In their study, they gathered a group of mothers identified as “neglectful” by social services. They then found another group of mothers who were not neglectful, but had the same income level, education, marital status, ethnicity, and even neighborhood as the neglectful mothers. What they found was illuminating. The mothers identified as neglectful were depressed, had few friends, and seemed unable to take advantage of resources that were available to them in their communities.

Depression in mothers and fathers is also related to neglect. Recall from chapter 2, that depression influences a mother’s ability to interact with her children. One interaction style is “avoidant.” Avoidant mothers disengage from their children, and ignore them much of the time. The other style, “angry-intrusive,” is a risk factor for physical abuse (I’ll discuss this in a minute).

Neglect also happens in the suburbs, and in more subtle forms. Food and clothing may be provided, but the parent might be emotionally absent. Parents may show little interest in their children. Mothers or fathers may have been so emotionally immature that children must care for them, rather than the other way around.

 Parents can also be so uninvolved that they fail to notice when something really serious occurs in their children’s lives. Both Marilyn and Sandy were raised in middle-class homes with neglectful, substance-abusing mothers. Both were raped as teens by kids from their schools. Neither of their families noticed the abrupt change in their behaviors that occurred as a result of being raped. They never asked what was going on, or why their daughters were acting so strangely.

Today coose to make a difference, embrace a soul provide a healing hug you never know what someone is going thru.

Join me by showing compassion to someone that never knew compassion, together we can make the world a better place and provide hope for the broken , the battered, or the abused soul.

Nikki Navarro

Read More
ABOUT OUR MINISTRY

Domestic Violence Rises During Pandemic

By Nikki Navarro

During the pandemic, we’ve all been asked to stay home to keep ourselves safe. Offices were closed, stay-at-home orders were enforced, and personal liberties were limited. To protect ourselves from the virus, we were told to seek safety in our home. For some people, home is far from safe. Those who suffer at the hands of intimate partner violence (IPV) have found themselves trapped in a prison. Instead of being safe at home, IPV victims have found themselves trapped indoors with their abuser. It’s been a concern voiced by professionals, politicians, and advocates since the beginning of the pandemic. In this article, we’re looking at the realities of domestic violence during pandemic times.

It’s difficult to judge the impact that the pandemic has had on levels of domestic violence. It’s easy to identify why. While the number of calls to domestic violence hotlines has dropped by more than 50% in some areas, we know this is due to limited opportunities for victims to safely connect with these services. 

This trend isn’t universal, and we’ve seen a rise in instances of domestic abuse and violence against women and children across the world. The first two weeks of the pandemic saw an 18% rise in calls to domestic violence hotlines in Spain than the month before. In France, police have reported a 30% increase in domestic violence during pandemic times, with officers being asked to stay vigilant for signs of IPV.

Keeping people inside their homes has led to more dangerous situations where cases of IPV have skyrocketed. We know the number of IPV victims has increased as a result of the pandemic, but it’s almost impossible to narrow this down to a statistic. Violence against women and children can take several forms, including emotional, physical, psychological, or sexual. One in four women and one in ten men suffer from violence at the hands of intimate partners. 

COVID-19 has created what’s been described as a “perfect storm”. Research carried out by the charity Women’s Aid has found that 91% of victims of domestic abuse have said that the pandemic has negatively impacted them in at least one way. 61% said abuse by intimate partners worsened during the pandemic. For these victims, it’s the lack of access to refugee spaces and support services that has led to them feeling trapped. This research also found that 67% of women experiencing abuse by intimate partners said the pandemic had been used as part of the abuse. 

Intimate partner violence is a public health crisis that is spiking as a result of the pandemic. This fact isn’t shocking. Research has shown that cases of domestic violence increase when families are spending more time at home together, such as during the Christmas holidays. At the start of the pandemic, the United Nations called on governments to “put women’s safety first as they respond to the pandemic”. 

The pandemic has exasperated social inequalities and deprivation, which often correlates in higher instances of IPV. While it’s true that IPV does not discriminate across socio-economic and cultural divides, it disproportionally affects marginalized and minority communities. These groups suffer from economic instability, lack of childcare, and unstable housing situations. These social factors can make tensions run high and create situations where IPV can occur. The pandemic has aggravated these issues and increased the risk of instances of IPV.

One form of abuse by intimate partners comes from financial coercion. Victims of IPV often find themselves financially entangled with their intimate partner and put in a position where they don’t have financial independence. The pandemic has led to job losses in almost every industry. Women minorities and those without a college education are the most impacted by rising unemployment per statistics.

IPV also encompasses violence against women and children, who find themselves in the firing line with at-home schooling becoming the norm during the pandemic. COVID-19 has seen a rise in cases of child abuse as virtual learning and child care problems drive up tensions at home. One consequence of at-home learning is that it prevents fewer opportunities for intervention or others to recognize the warning signs of abuse. 

This reality exists for all victims of IPV, with the pandemic limiting the contact they have with people who could report the behaviour on their behave. IPV screenings can be carried out on patients who arrive at a health facility presenting signs of abuse. The pandemic has shifted in-person medical appointments to telemedicine platforms and skype calls. These appointments no longer offer an opportunity for victims to report their abuse, as their intimate partners are often in the room with them. 

The realities of the pandemic have also made it harder for victims to seek out support. Women’s shelters are operating with limited capacity, and some hotels are only open for emergency services. Limits on travel have made it almost impossible for victims to travel across the country or state to seek safety with friends or family.

Domestic violence during pandemic times has put a spotlight on the social and economic factors that lead to violence against women and children by intimate partners. As the world begins to open up again because of the vaccine rollout, public health agencies and domestic violence organizations will see a spike in victims accessing services. On the other of this pandemic, we have an opportunity to address these social and public health issues that so often exacerbate the circumstances that lead to IPV. 

What the pandemic has shown is the need to promote and highlight continued access to services and support. Both from charities and medical professionals, for victims of violence by intimate partners. 

If you find yourself in a situation like this, there is support out there to help you. Charities are still working, medical professionals are there to help, and hotlines are open. You’re not alone – there will always be people there to help. Our website includes community resources that you can avail. Help is out there. No one will judge you. Speak out and seek out help please stay safe. 

Read More

ABOUT OUR MINISTRY

Holding Hands And Praying At Bible Study Group Meeting In Community Center

By Nikki Navarro

The Women’s Ministry is designed to help women become empowered and heal from all kinds of expressions of oppression, loss, and sorrow.  For example, the Women’s Ministry can help you if…

  • You’ve ever lost a loved one or experienced dark days of grief, wondering if you carry on without them.
  • You’ve ever received a scary diagnosis about a disease or injury and faced the pain and uncertainty of what will happen next.
  • You’ve sat the bedside of a dying friend whose life had was cut short from the ravages of cancer or some other deadly disease.
  • You’ve been to a funeral for a baby, child, or other close family member, and you’ve watched the sorrow of the others in attendance. 
  • You’ve been deeply wounded, betrayed, abused, mistreated, and rejected by a partner or lover.
  • You’ve ever experienced any extremely difficult situation and have wondered if the anguish and fears you have felt will ever end.

In short, the Ministry is designed to help you through any of these and other oppressive experiences in your life to help you heal by knowing you will get through it, and you will have a caring, supportive community with you to transform yourself and achieve your purpose and fulfillment in life.  

We understand that along the way, you may experience great hurt, like passing through a intense fire.  But then, consider that like a fire walk over burning coals, where you have the focus and fortitude to know you can do it.  For it’s like a purifying bath cleanings your soul of past sorrows and grief, so you come out feeling renewed and restored and ready to attain that happiness you deserve. And often a belief in a divine power can help you heal and make you whole.

I know this is possible because I was stripped of everything in 2015 after an abusive relationship filled with violence followed by a devastating financial collapse in the Great Recession.  But then, at the point where I felt utter despair, I found a new hope in a Church that had spiritually mature women elders who lifted me up offered the motherly love that I had lacked throughout my life.  And most importantly, I came to feel and accept Gods love for me as a newborn child who was born again. So then I experienced restoration, redemption, and a new personal relationship with God through my newfound faith.

After I went through this healing and transformation, my career took off and my husband and I began a successful new business flipping homes and I resumed my insurance career to a newfound success.  

So now, while I love my career, I also have this burning desire to draw on my experience to help women from all the world by empowering them to rise above their limitations, overcome any experiences of oppression, and know that they will find their true purpose in life and attain the happiness and fulfillment they seek.

So now I invite any women who feel the call to join with me and the community of women who are joining together through this ministry to escape any past oppressions and fears and help each other become like shining stars who can glow in the heavens with their new sense of mission, power, and joy.

 

Read More

DEFINING DOMESTIC ABUSE

Financial Control

By controlling money in a relationship, abusive partners prevent freedom. They may take earned money and not allow access to it, or watch over every penny. Preventing employment is also control.

Verbal Abuse

Abusive partners may lie, threaten, intimidate, disrespect, and manipulate their partner. Verbal attacks are an abuser’s attempt to maintain control and may be an early sign of a rocky relationship.

Stalking

Stalking isn’t just for ex’s. Some abusive partners monitor their partner’s every move. From phone trackers to hidden cameras to constant texts and calls, this behavior is another form of control.

Sexual Abuse

Forcing sex, sabotaging birth control and physical violence during intercourse are ways of exerting control over a partner. Sexual exploits may serve as blackmail against the victim for seeking help.

Technology Control

Hacking into social media accounts, devices and email is a form of surveillance- and control. It communicates to the victim that she/he can’t have privacy or freedom. It also makes it hard to signal for help.

Physical Abuse

This is a non-verbal threat that if the abuser isn’t satisfied, there will be more pain and punishment. Intensity and frequency tends to increase over time. Healthy relationships don’t involve punishment.

Threats

Verbal and non-verbal threats of harm to others like family and friends keep victims afraid to seek help or leave. If recorded or witnessed, these threats may be useful in court against the abusive partner.

Murder

If the victim is dead, they can’t tell others about what’s been going on. Murder is the ultimate cover-up to a history of abusive and violent behavior. It’s also the most damaging for everyone involved.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1V62brmHHauJbBs2heWOW_6YtqbN6jo4-/view?usp=drivesdk

Read More
Police in Cancun Mx

Cancun police shoot down a feminist manifestation

Cancun video #NiUnaMas 2020 Protest Cancun police shoot down a feminist manifestation

The agents burst in with their weapons in hand and shouts of “Now the f****ing women are going to f**k off.” Two journalists are treated for gunshot wounds

Police officers advance firing during the protest. (PHOTO: ELIZABETH RUIZ/ AFP | VIDEO: EPV)

JACOBO GARCÍA

MÉXICO – 10 NOV 2020 – 01:36 GMT-6

On Monday, a group of about 50 municipal police officers from Cancun shot down a feminist demonstration in front of the Municipal Palace in the tourist city. A man in a hooded uniform wearing a bulletproof vest and a long weapon suddenly started shooting at close range in the central square a few meters from the protesters. At least two journalists covering the protests suffered gunshot wounds. Roberto Becerril from La Verdad was hit in the shoulder and Cecilia Solís from Radio Turquesa was hit in the foot by a bullet.

At that time, about 2,000 young people protested in front of public buildings in response to the three brutal killings of women registered in Quintana Roo this weekend. A group of protesters set fire to the woods in front of the passage to protect the building. In the past, young people broke some windows and burned the paper inside.

When the protesters were about to enter the building, the policemen appeared opening fire with a clean shot, which caused the stampede. However, they persecuted and continued to beat those who tried to record the brutal attack. The agents made several arrests, beat and tried to take phones and cameras from journalists covering the protest. Another two journalists had to be treated in a hospital due to the beatings of the police, their colleagues told EL PAÍS.

Alex Castro, from the newspaper Novedades, who was covering the protest for his newspaper, explained that there were about 50 agents in the plaza. Half of them started shooting. “When the bullets began, the police had blocked the two main entrances to the square to prevent us from leaving,” he said an hour after what happened.

The photographer of the newspaper Novedades, Paola Chiomante, told EL PAÍS that she saw agents firing from the roof of the Municipal Palace. According to the photojournalist, the police “were very angry and acted with disproportionate violence” and recalled how she heard the officers shouting “now if the fucking women are going to be worth mothers”, at the time when the uniformed men appeared in the square.

For its part, the official response only agrees on one thing: stand out from what happened. No one has so far assumed responsibility. The Secretary of Public Security of Quintana Roo, Alberto Capella, ordered an investigation into what happened. “What happened in the Municipal Palace of Benito Juárez is in every way unacceptable. I am ordering an internal investigation and making all the information available to the State Prosecutor’s Office to do the same, “he wrote on Twitter.

Feminist anger accumulated grievances throughout the weekend when two women were murdered in less than 24 hours in Cancun and another in José María Morelos, also in the state of Quintana Roo. After an intense search, the bodies of the Cancun women were found Saturday and Sunday night with signs of torture. The latest, the savage murder of Bianca Alejandrina, had a macabre ending this Sunday. The 20-year-old girl had disappeared on Saturday but her remains appeared a day later inside an abandoned plastic bag in a neighborhood of Cancun.

Today’s protest had been called by the Quintana Roo Feminist Network and had become a national trend through the hashtags #JusticiaParaAlexis and #QuintanaRooFeminicida, as a protest against the prosecutor Óscar Montes de Oca, the governor Carlos Joaquín González and the Mayor “Mara” Lezama, for dedicating efforts to “care for the image” of Cancun and not to the safety and protection of women.

For her part, the mayor of Cancun, Mara Lezama, of the ruling Morena party, also distanced herself from the aggression. “In my capacity as municipal president, I will never order any type of repression against the citizens. I have given precise instructions for the corresponding investigations to be carried out ”, she pointed out. Yet another authority that avoided her responsibility, the Ministry of the Interior, demanded an investigation via Twitter from the municipal and state authorities “to the end of the repression and armed aggression against a feminist demonstration,” she wrote on her social network.

So far this year there have been a dozen femicides in Quintana Roo, according to the EFE agency, citing sources from the Prosecutor’s Office. At the national level, Mexico registered 34,608 malicious homicides and 1,012 femicides last year, the highest figures since the murders of women have been counted.

Read More

Signs and symptoms of emotional abuse

Women are the biggest victim of emotional abuse in marriages all around the world

We experience a wide array of emotions in our daily lives. Our relationships comprise of both positive and negative feelings. With care, love, compassion, and joy, there also comes jealousy, loathing, hatred, and abuse.

While there are laws in today’s world to strictly prohibit physical abuse, little is acknowledged about emotional abuse, and even fewer cases are reported, leading to low levels of awareness in the general population. 

Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, is the most common type of abuse in which a person is humiliated and verbally assaulted by their partner or family member frequently. 

This can commonly happen between parents and children, husband and wife, siblings, etc. This usually results in the victim being traumatized mentally, and end up developing a variety of negative behaviors which might lead to life-threating situations. 

With time, such victims start showing symptoms of emotional abuse and are likely to have quite a low self-confidence and dignity.

Men often use their dominating position in social cultures to control their partners. The most common symptom of emotional abuse in marriage is the threat to divorce.

Women are mostly subjected to harsh and hurtful words and threats disguised as jokes. They are emotionally abused to the extent that they start losing their self-respect and blame themselves for their situation. They continue to apologize even if they know they are right. This leads them to lose their dignity and self-respect even more.

Another example of symptoms of emotional abuse in marriage is that the victim is restricted to do anything or go anywhere by their own will and has to give an account of their day’s activities to his or her partner.

The constant controlling of a person’s routine is considered as a form of emotional abuse and harassment. This may include technology control, texting, stalking , spying

Married partners are often subjected to emotional abuse by being forced into financial controlling where they are held accountable and criticized for spending on necessities. 

Abusive partners spend little to no money on the victims and shame the victims for trying to spend even their own earning on themselves.

The victims of emotional abuse are often diagnosed with health-related disorders, which can severely affect their physical wellbeing. These include recurring headaches, increase in blood pressure, lack of interest in eating, increase in obesity level, and in severe cases, miscarriage for a pregnant woman.

Depression is the most common physical symptom of emotional abuse where the victim is unable to cope up with their situation and becomes emotionally unstable, leading to a silent but visibly shaken state.PTSD-post traumatic stress disorder is a rare but major symptom of emotional abuse. This usually results in the victim showing violent behavior and irritability.

They have problems in concentration and cannot focus well on anything. Their inability to connect and continue social life leads to many different problems such as drug abuse, self-abuse, and harming others.

Support Nikki Support All Women 

Resources

Hi,

I’m listening to Enough!

by L. David Harris, narrated by Rebecca Roberts on my Audible app. Try Audible and get it here: 

https://www.audible.com/pd?asin=B01GF3JEQG&source_code=ASSORAP0511160006&share_location=player_overflow

https://www.yahoo.com/now/37-people-share-realized-partner-014602454.html

https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/emotional-abuse-really-means/
https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-emotional-abuse-5209555
https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/william-hurt-former-partner-donna-183129262.html?fr=sycsrp_catchall

Read More

Violence Against Women

 As I read the Bible, violence is considered an offense against God and humanity.

 Scripture is full of condemnations of violence – time, and again violence is associated with wickedness and condemned as “detestable to the Lord” (Psalm 11, Proverbs 3 & 10).

In particular, violence against women is condemned. In Jewish law, rape was viewed as equivalent to murder (Deut 22:26), as was pressuring a woman physically (Deut 22:25–27) or psychologically (Deut 22:28–29) into sex. In addition, the Bible recounts many stories of the horrific sexual abuse of women.

This is a flawed and imperfect world which means we must work harder to establish justice by advocating at local, state, and federal levels to enact laws that protect women and all persons suffering domestic violence or coercive control. 

But what happens when a Woman has endured abuse in Faith or abuse in General? See there are safe loving Churches i attend a Bible based Church. It has helped me so much, it took many years to find a Church

that loved me unconditionally. I am a prudent Woman and would not

involve my Church rather they are there to help my community grow

spiritually. Back many years ago i talk in my book about mistakes i

made by not taking my abuse to police, and although well meaning I turned to freinds

i should have gone to police. But life is about lessons i grew in wisdom.

We do need realize there is so much to do to empower Women 

Worst yet, sexism and misogyny are prevalent in Worldwide society. So change is inevitable. 

Women must rise and denounce abuse 

We Do Tell! Support Nikki support all women, follow my page and blogs

I survived abuse. Please follow me on social media or at Traumabooknikki.com to keep up with upcoming information and news 

on coercive control

Women are to be respected, valued, accepted, and free of oppression

Abuse is non-acceptable.

Other countries are very much ahead in-laws to protect Women 

we go to the Police; silence does not help; rules will only change when 

we denounce abuse to Police.

 Many police stations in other countries

have online police report filing if your city does not call 911. We must speak to enact laws, it would be years before i understood our faith communities can only do what they can. Abuse is to be reported to Police and to counselors, bring them into the equation. 

We are in dire need of laws to protect women; today, things will only

change if you suffer abuse and denounce it; you need a paper trail. To

help you prosecute abusers. Report Abuse to police.Visit my others blogs on recognizing abuse

Soon,

Nikki

References :

Report Abuse to Police

https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2015/januaryfebruary/three-views-after-domestic-violence-why-should-christian-wi.html?share=ELGTJBSIkuqjFm4u9mVQwrqMo67ej1ta&utm_medium=widgetso

End Misogny and Sexism Women are Valuable

A call on Faith Communities and Domestic Abuse

https://www.saferresource.org.au/the_bible_on_domestic_family_violence

https://www.beliefnet.com/faiths/christianity/where-is-god-when-a-woman-is-abused.aspx

Change is coming

https://observer.com/2017/11/the-history-of-the-womens-rights-movement-in-18-images/
https://iwda.org.au/what-is-a-womens-movement/
https://iwda.org.au/what-does-intersectional-feminism-actually-mean/

https://www.ippf.org/resource/Vision-2020-Gender-Report-interactive/index.html

https://www.un.org/sustainabledevelopment/gender-equality/

https://www.cbeinternational.org/resource/article/priscilla-papers-academic-journal/voices-outrage-against-rape

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/jan/31/women-three-times-more-likely-to-be-abused-if-in-pandemic-induced-financial-stress

All content on this website is provided for informational purposes, and does not constitute legal

Advice or a substitute for seeking psychiatric/psychotherapy treatment. You are encouraged to

Seek treatment and support from a duly licensed medical Dr or psychiatrist or therapist . Call

911 or your local police to report abuse.

Read More

How to Love Again after a Lifetime of Abuse

 It’s difficult to love again after abuse and difficult to trust however it is possible

There may be compassionate and kind people who come into our life, but learning to trust them can seem nearly impossible.

 At times we settle for anything better than our past relationships—even if they aren’t great and we don’t truly feel a connection. They’re just someone less toxic than our abuser.

Learning to Love Again Requires Acceptance

I talk a bunch about my abuse because it is truly one of the most important concepts of my healing journey. It’s freeing, empowering, and brings so much peace to know I am aware that change is imminent.

Healing from abuse requires a specific type of acceptance

It’s not about being okay with what happened or forgiving your abuser. It’s about acknowledging the past cannot change and accepting the ways it still affects you today. 

You should still take action to change and improve its impact, but also recognize—in the moment—this particular feeling is your reality and that is okay.

Acceptance is a key part of learning to love again

When we accept our past was traumatic (and acknowledge we can’t change that fact), it will be easier to find partners who also accept this. 

Acceptance helps us boldly live our truths, meaning people who love us for our whole truth will come forward. Authenticity drives connection.

Join me as I walk towards a new journey which includes freedom and empowering others with my story.

Happy New Year 2022 is the year for me All my best to All Soon, Nikki 

Free yourself of Fear obligation and guilt , some good read books 

https://www.audible.com/pd/Out-of-the-Fog-Audiobook/B07PLMKK5F

https://www.christianbook.com/suffering-heart-trauma-destroys-christ-restores/diane-langberg/9781942572022/pd/572023

Read More

Recognizing Emotional Abuse, Healing is possible

If you are enduring ANY type of abuse in your life, hope and healing can be found. It doesn’t matter if it’s physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual abuse, I want you to grasp this reality. There are helpful ways to find healing from abuse, move forward, and have joy in your life again.

 

Emotional abuse is subtle and invisible. A person might suffer the effects of abuse and no one will know. This “nonphysical behavior or attitude” is seen in relationships between friends, siblings, parents and children, spouses, and co-workers.

An article by Mary Yerkes on Focus on the Family explains, emotional abuse“controls, intimidates, subjugates, demeans, punishes, or isolates another person” without leaving bruises, but causes “degradation, humiliation, or fear.” Examples include “yelling, screaming, and name-calling” but also “refusing to be pleased with anything, isolating an individual from family and friends, and invalidating another’s thoughts and feelings.”

 

Personally I walk the healing journey each day I became aware of the effects of some unhealthy relationships in my personal life

That either serve no purpose for my future, or they are not for me. My health, emotional wellbeing are a priority and a good choice I do have. Some people had to go and some are in the process of transitioning out.

 

Life for me was about choices, I made some bad choices in relationships. And I look forward to a future

That includes loving and forgiving first myself, and then all those that hurt me were forgiven for my own personal growth and wellbeing. I practice plenty self care. I am a believer in my faith that sustains

Me. The future includes embracing the Woman I am becoming because I have traveled a long journey to become her.

 

I do believe we all deserve to live a joyful life free of oppression, It is my personal desire to advocate on reforming laws that protect Women 

And bringing awareness on emotional abuse which profoundly impacted my life and at a society level we would benefit for laws on coercive control join me in advocating at local state and federal levels that

Passing law reform would benefit so many victims of abuse, read my blogs and visit my social media to

Follow me to stay tuned for my book release. Transforming pain to power is possible.

Healing is possible.

Resources

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-emotional-abuse#find-a-professional

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/healing-the-wounds-of-emotional-abuse-2/

Why Emotional Abuse Can Cause a Nervous Breakdown and How You Can Recover

https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/planned-parenthood-advocates-arizona/blog/emotionally-abusive-relationships-and-healing-in-my-own-words

How God Heals: A Christian Counselor’s Perspective

God’s Agape Love Heals And Restores Your Brokenness

    Read More

    THE LEGAL BATTLE AGAINST COERCIVE CONTROL IS IT JUST BEGINNING ?

    Controlling Your Partner Is Illegal In some countries, But What about the US?

    This sort of nebulous, controlling behavior remains undefined mainly by the criminal justice system. Still, advocates know it as “coercive control,” a form of abuse that seeks to strip victims of autonomy and personhood. It can include behaviors like intimidation, surveillance, and isolation, which can be easily disguised from outside observers. The victim knows how it’s intended, as does the abuser, but from the perspective of those around them, including law enforcement, a rose appears to be just a rose. 

    The concept is beginning to gain more widespread awareness; the New York Times recently ran a feature about Congresswoman Cori Bush and singer FKA twigs, who have both spoken publicly about their experiences being controlled by their abusers. And some states have begun to recognize it in within their legal systems: Last year, both California and Hawaii passed anti–coercive control legislation: California’s law allows behaviors that constitute coercive control to be submitted as evidence in family courts, while Hawaii’s amends the state’s domestic violence statutes to account for it. Similar legislation that has been introduced in New York would classify coercive control as a felony punishable by up to four years in jail.

    The criminal-justice system does little to protect survivors with laws that already exist; abusers are rarely convicted, and the lengthy legal processes survivors have to go through can be traumatizing in addition to fruitless. While on paper, coercive control laws may sound like a remedy to some of the gaps in the system, in effect they may only widen them, harming survivors and their communities in the process.

    “It makes sense that there’s this attempt to capture a broader conceptualization of violence in the legal framework,” said Audacia Ray, the director of community organizing and public advocacy at the New York City Anti-Violence Project, which primarily serves the LGBTQ community. “However, we really believe that expansion — because it just expands criminalization — will just bring more harm.”

    I Nikki Navarro have experienced every physical emotional, verbal, financial, sexual and every type of abuse

    I survived a vicious beating, by my then husband, police justice merely issued a citation for breaking my nose, brain swelling, bruises etc. My perpetrator managed to get away after he was deported to Mexico, from where he arranged to barter with a relative to bring me across the Us-Mexico Border I was kidnapped at knifepoint in Mexico . I lived in captivity suffering horrendous abuse.

    Trauma-The book is my full life bio graphy, the abuse did not stop after my escape. Currently I am advocating to empower Women on little known Coercive control.

    Please do not miss my book in the works. Please follow my page, and social media sites you will learn about me, about how I refused to be beaten down. I learned to empower myself into the business world.

    I have a relentless passion to empower Trauma survivors

    We must continue to advocate at local, state, federal levels for Us laws to enact Coercive control

    I call on stronger Women and therapists to empower a victim/s of domestic abuse, women and children and our most vulnerable society suffers, in reality any victim regardless of gender is at risk

    A kind sympathetic word goes a long mile for Trauma survivors, join me each time you see a victim spread kindness, you never know a survivors journey a battle they often will not share, except by showing love. I am bold in my faith I desire to share my journey of healing, love heals I found it in my faith. 

     Mark my web page , book details in the works coming soon. My pain served a purpose I desire to share my pain to power journey. You will never be the same once you brush up with death as I have. Resilience is my strength- faith is my solid rock. Solidarity means much, support all trauma survivors. Follow my story it will shock you, one Woman’s fight for justice is not over.

    Soon-

    Nikki

    Resources

    2022 Americas Conference to End Coercive Control Save the Date – May 2022 Get online tickets 

    https://www.theacecc.com

    https://www.biometrica.com/legal-battle-against-coercive-control

    https://www.theacecc.com/post/not-all-bills-are-created-equal-a-review-of-coercive-control-legislation

    Coercive Control Justice Bill Tracker

    https://www.theacecc.com/billtracker

    https://www.biometrica.com/legal-battle-against-coercive-control

    A Call for Speakers

    https://www.theacecc.com/call-for-speakers

    https://www.theacecc.com/journal

    Research

    https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1077801218816191

    Media

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a5jx-f1cvo

    A must Read Book by Evan Stark on Coercive Control

    https://www.audible.com/pd/Coercive-Control-Audiobook/170522444X

    Read More

    Asking for Help is Not a Form of Weakness

    Sometimes when we need help the most is when it’s hardest to ask for it. But there are solutions to the problem of your depression, and there are tips for how to ask for healing help. On the day that you make a connection with treatment, you will begin a supported journey toward an empowered future.

    From logistical issues, like finding someone to do your grocery shopping, to emotional ones, such as coping with anxiety and depression in isolation, the Covid-19 pandemic has brought to the forefront an experience that can be strangely uncomfortable for many: asking for help.

    On that note, you should spend some time thinking about the friends, neighbors or family members in your life who you consider your “support team,” Bouchard suggests. You can literally ask these individuals if it’s okay that you count on them for support during this time.

    “Try to create this team of helpers, so that asking for help later on when you really need it isn’t such a big deal,” she says.

    We all need help sometimes, but asking for it can feel uncomfortable. The more you do it, the easier it gets. And it’s about more than just helping you get a task done. Helping people is an opportunity to share your gratitude and generosity with others. It’s worth it to muster your courage and ask, “Can you help me?”

    Consider reaching out in times where you feel your pain is overwhelming 

    Begin your healing journey today

    Kind Regards, 

    Nikki,

    Healing journey stories

    https://www.verywellmind.com/physical-pain-and-emotional-pain-22421
    https://psychcentral.com/blog/learning-to-let-go-of-past-hurts-5-ways-to-move-on
    https://www.healingcare.org
    https://www.huffpost.com/entry/feel-it-heal-it-5-steps-to-work-through-emotional_b_58e2a5bce4b02ef7e0e6df81
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/when-kids-call-the-shots/201706/how-recover-when-life-crushes-you
    https://www.hazelden.org/store/welcome?utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=239261&utm_id=239261+HT-ET+Trauma+B2B&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIqumapbmu9AIVOBvUAR3KGA1gEAMYASAAEgI2L_D_BwE
    https://www.mentalhelp.net/ptsd/the-healing-journey/
    https://www.awmi.net/video/series/healing-journeys/
    https://hisfathersheart.org/journey/

    Resources for Crises

    https://depression.org.nz/help-someone/
    https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
    https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-reach-out#1.-When-you-dont-know-what-you-need:-Im-(depressed/anxious/suicidal).-Im-not-sure-what-to-ask-for,-but-I-dont-want-to-be-alone-right-now.
    https://screening.mhanational.org/content/who-can-i-talk-about-my-depression/
    https://www.talkspace.com/blog/why-some-people-isolate-and-some-reach-out/
    https://www.kstatecollegian.com/2021/10/28/seasonal-depression-arrives-with-cold-weather-cultivates-community-outreach/

    Read More

    How Women And Men Can Work Together To Create Equality

    Most misogynistic behavior is about hostility toward women who violate patriarchal norms and expectations, who aren’t serving male interests in the ways they’re expected to. So there’s this sense that women are doing something wrong: that they’re morally objectionable or have a bad attitude or they’re abrasive or shrill or too pushy. But women only appear that way because we expect them to be otherwise, to be passive.

    Misogyny is about men punishing or reacting against women who are trying to break out of the roles that men want to assign to them, because men are threatened by that in some way, or want to maintain the power that they have?

    It seems like there are two ways to think about misogyny and power. Surely more. One is when this person is committing some misogynistic act, he’s doing it because he wants to enforce his power and enforce the way women should behave. Another way is saying regardless of what the individual male psychology is, the reason that society allows this to go on is because of the misogynistic structure of society, and the power imbalances, and men wanting to keep women in a specific place. It seems like two separate, related things.

    I truly believe in gender equality and that Women are most valuable and virtuous ,yet we are far from society

    Acknowledging Women as equal partners . When Women are acknowledged they can thrive and create

    Strength and stability as a family, teamwork, is possible . There truly must be honest validation of a Women’s feelings, and of the fundamental right to autonomy. Again I believe working towards interdependence in relationships vs

    Co dependence . I believe in family stability whether emotionally, financially, or in relationships Women 

    And children must be protected, and can thrive again because life is a journey and not a competition.

    There is a better way, my end vision creating happy families. Having come from a broken home this is

    A dream a vision I have Women should not have to fight for what are equal opportunities 

    Things can only change when women empower ourselves speaking up and advocating for laws to be

    Be changed ending coercive control which is psychological and emotional abuse. And tears down victims

    And I know men can as well have suffered Trauma but the cycles of abuse must stop, again Trauma has a

    Profound impact on survivors both genders can learn to work together and foster happy mutually rewarding relationships. 

    Please follow my blogs, and social media your solidarity means more than anything, my pain served a

    Purpose and I will advocate for all. I pray Men’s  hearts would be receptive, Women and families that we may be valued .

    Women continue to advocate at local, state, federal levels we can raise our voices to end abuse , misogny 

    Against Women we are the pillars of family. We need to live free of oppression and society needs embrace us as equal teammates and partners in relationships. 

    Because there was no justice in my case there is a man who walks free in society, I was a 16 yr old girl viciously beaten and he was merely issued a citation and deported to Mexico from where he arranged to kidnap me. My life was filled with all kind of Traumas since I was a child . My body was victimized and vandalized by perpetrators men that used and abuse,   but I will never lay down or surrender my dignity.

    Today I took all this pain and transformed it to Power. Love ❤️ Heals. I am thriving and I am the Warrior

    Voice for Trauma survivors. Today I call on the stronger Women to empower other abuse survivors even

    A word of encouragement can touch a hurting heart, help me pass on healing ❤️‍🩹 in the sense of love 

    And compassionate care for abuse victims a listening ear or a word of encouragement has power to

    Create change. 

    Read along to see some brave Women that have stood up for other Women to refuse and accept nothing

    Less than respect and validation. Nothing can change unless we demand and advocate for change. The era

    Of Women’s right’s is imminent we can no longer deny or conform to abuse whether emotional or physical.

    Soon,

    Nikki

    Resources:

    https://medium.com/@fpotts/why-do-qualified-women-spur-suspicion-6ac1fe9fd9ca
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second-wave_feminism
    https://www.feministcurrent.com/2018/01/18/misogyny-exists-punish-rebellious-women-obedient-women-victimized/
    https://www.inc.com/rebekah-iliff/3-common-themes-that-empower-both-women-men.html
    https://emergencejournal.english.ucsb.edu/index.php/2018/06/04/nasty-women-of-western-literature-empowering-women-against-misogyny-by-reclaiming-language-and-autonomy/
    https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2017/12/the-limitations-of-punishment-in-the-metoo-moment.html

    http://www.ncdsv.org/images/WMC_NameItChangeIt-MediaGuide_2012.pdf

    https://www.theatlantic.com/culture/archive/2020/03/america-punished-elizabeth-warren-her-competence/607531/
    https://nationalwomenshistoryalliance.org/history-of-the-womens-rights-movement/

    The Many Bible Women Used For Gods Divine Order  

    https://digitalcommons.providence.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1013&context=theology_graduate_theses

    Read More

    Educating yourself is the first step in stopping abuse – to go from being a victim to being a survivor

    Coercive control is the most common form of domestic abuse. Victims can experience abuse without being physical assaulted. But victims that are physically assaulted also experience coercive control.

    The high suicide rate is due to the overwhelming feeling of hopelessness some victims feel. Victims of domestic abuse, of physical and coercive control, feel they have no means of escape. Coercive control undermines every aspect of a person’s being. It includes: limiting access to money, isolation, degradation, mind-games, and the micro-regulation of everyday life. The abuser will monitor phone calls, who they see, what they buy. They monitor and watch the victim ready to berate or punish them when they do something they disagree with, or not done their way.

    We must continue to advocate at local, city, state, federal levels to pass coercive control laws to protect

    Women and children.

    I truly believe when we create awareness we empower trauma victims to seek help, and I believe if help

    Is available to make perpetrators accountable perhaps Men would not victimize the most vulnerable.

    Please follow my page to support me and support all Women, I suffered horrific abuse when I was kept

    In captivity kidnapped, my perpetrator was only deported to Mexico after beating me viciously, laws

    Need be enacted on domestic violence that include coercive control.

    Today I am not only a survivor I hope my book will empower Women this my greatest desire that my

    Pain served a purpose.

    Follow me on social media to learn about my blogs, my journey of ❤️‍🩹healing from Trauma once my

    Book is released.

    All my best,

    Nikki

    Resources

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201807/remote-controlled-domestic-abuse-through-technology
    https://womensmediacenter.com/speech-project/technology-abuse-its-still-about-power-control
    https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/abuse-using-technology
    https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/news/20201130/the-new-domestic-violence-technolog-abuse
    https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-54554408
    https://www.talksonlaw.com/briefs/combating-technology-abuse
    https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/978-1-83982-848-520211047/full/html
    https://www.bizjournals.com/austin/news/2017/10/19/laws-are-clear-on-what-is-considered-invasion-of.html
    https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/emotional-and-psychological-abuse
    https://www.route-fifty.com/health-human-services/2021/10/states-expanding-domestic-violence-coercive/185827/

    Resources

    https://msmagazine.com/2021/10/27/sexual-child-abuse-nj-new-jersey-governor-lawsuit/
    https://msmagazine.com/2021/10/29/maid-netflix-review-emotional-abuse-coercive-control-domestic-violence/
    https://msmagazine.com/2021/11/03/trevor-bauer-major-league-baseball-misogyny-domestic-violence-rape-sexual-assault-survivors/
    https://msmagazine.com/2021/11/02/making-cities-safe-women/
    Read More

    Why Do Victims of Abuse Stay?

    Leaving an Abusive Partner

    People routinely ask, “Why doesn’t she leave? Why does she stay?”.  Pre-COVID-19 and now in the context of coronavirus, the answer is not that simple. There are many barriers to safety in an abusive relationship. Leaving is often dangerous and there are many factors an abused partner must consider in the analysis of how to respond to an abusive partner. With the recent loosening of restrictions placed under coronavirus, we need to remain vigilant and ask a more effective question:

    “Why does the abusive partner inflict violence and how can I help the survivor gain access to safety?” (link how to help a friend)

    The statistics outline the reality that the most dangerous time for a survivor/victim is when she leaves the abusive partner; 77 percent of domestic violence-related homicides occur upon separation and there is a 75 percent increase of violence upon separation for at least two years. These valid concerns must be addressed with safety planning.

    Please support me by following my page and or social media platforms, leaving an abusive relationship is a time

    when a victim needs guidance.

    We must continue to advocate for an act to protect all victims of domestic abuse this includes a need to recognize

    coercive control, as of today in the USA only 2 states have made progress that is California, Hawaii,

    Sincerely,

    Nikki

    References

    https://www.clarionledger.com/story/news/2017/01/28/most-dangerous-time-for-battered-women-is-when-they-leave-jerry-mitchell/96955552/

    https://www.coercive-control.com/post-separation.html

    https://ncadv.org/why-do-victims-stay
    https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/2158244013501154

    https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/abuse/am-i-the-victim-of-covert-abuse-learning-the-signs/

    https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/recognize-emotionally-abusive-relationships#What-is-emotional-abuse?

    Read More

    Technology-facilitated abuse what Is it?

    Let us not blame technology companies, we need technology which is necessary to contact emergency contacts

    We need social media , it is in the abusers hands that technology control occurs. Social media is not responsible

    We need laws to be implemented that will help victims of coercive control.

    • abusive messages or calls
    • account take overs — where someone accesses your online accounts and locks you out of them
    • image-based abuse — when someone shares or threatens to share an intimate image of you without your consent
    • fake social media accounts — when fake accounts are being used to harass you or post negative comments about you online
    • being tracked through a phone or device — when tracking techniques or spyware are used to see where you are

    If you are experiencing technology-facilitated abuse as part of domestic or family violence, it can be very distressing. 

    If you are unsure if you are at risk of technology-facilitated abuse, read the resource links below

    Understand technology-facilitated abuse

    Find out about different types of abuse and what you can do to manage online risks. Technology-facilitated abuse is any behaviour that uses technology to harass, monitor, stalk, impersonate or make threats in order to control, frighten or humiliate someone.

    Unfortunately here in the US we do not have coercive control laws, the UK does and other countries have as well coercive control abuse laws in place, please help me by following my social media Trauma book page.

    Your support means a lot to women, support me Nikki support all Women, we must advocate for laws to protect victims of domestic violence, there Is still so much that can be done to protect Trauma Survivors. My gripping story of abuse is one of many that went without justice, where the justice system failed me when my abductor was merely deported for beating me viciously , he then arranged to kidnap me into Mexico, I suffered lifelong Trauma. This is where i see the need to advocate for tougher laws on coercive control a form of abuse that is yet to be recognized here in the Us. Some states in the US such as Hawaii and California have made powerful changes please refer to the resource links , information on coercive control is available. Time for Women to rise and petition our local state governments even at federal levels to press for change.

    We need laws to be implemented that will help victims of coercive control. Abuse is unacceptable. Technology

    companies are not responsible for the actions of third parties, this is my personal opinion.

    Click on the links below for Resources:

    https://msmagazine.com/2020/11/11/coercive-control-hawaii-california-domestic-violence/

    https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14680777.2018.1447341?journalCode=rfms20

    https://coercivecontrolcollective.org/news/2018/2/28/ft0me0xtzlb2c8tkpo5asmutnk7z67

    https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0016718521002360

    https://sites.lafayette.edu/cuomod/files/2021/06/Technology-Enabled-Coercive-Control-Whitepaper-2019-1-1.pdf

    https://research-repository.griffith.edu.au/rest/bitstreams/d524a39f-3afd-4055-ac7f-47e3780ea160/retrieve

    https://www.esafety.gov.au/about-us/blog/calling-out-technological-tethers-coercive-control

    https://msmagazine.com/2020/11/11/coercive-control-hawaii-california-domestic-violence/
    https://msmagazine.com/2020/11/11/coercive-control-hawaii-california-domestic-violence/
    Read More